I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
