these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
