I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
