dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
