Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
