Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize