HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
