I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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