First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
