I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
