I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
