i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
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can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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