best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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