It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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