Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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