I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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