my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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