remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
