I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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