Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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