ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
