The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
