Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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