I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
