Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
