Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
