Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
