This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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