she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
