She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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