OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
