im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
