You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
