next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
