so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I touched a dick in church today
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