just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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