Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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