By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
