Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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