I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
