I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
