peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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