my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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