This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
