...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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