You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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