I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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