I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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