Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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