You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
