I'm really into asian looking animals
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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