just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
