Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
