Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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