so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
