you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I just sharted jello shots
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize