Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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