I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize