Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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