So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
