the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
