You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
