i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
