i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
