it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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