My Higher Power is John Stamos
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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