I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
