My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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