the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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