I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You are a genius and a whore.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
