this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
